a year ago, i joined hitRECord in a grand gesture 'to expand my horizons', etc. It was really an act of weakness-- I couldn't take on paying work anymore because I started dropping things, getting cramps & spasms from doing everyday things, I'd get tremors that'd sometimes last for days. I felt broken, unreliable & false when people wanted to talk shop.

I dunno what I thought it'd be like. I'd never really collaborated before; I thought it meant losing control. Since I was losing that anyway... I uploaded only things made for personal use, things I loved but was never going to get a chance to put them to use. I figured playing around with these RECorder's would placate artist-smartist self.

The word 'small' I doesn't begin to describe my thinking, but the word "Tiny" began to have a much better ring to it.

It's been a year; Fibromyalgia looks likely to be the culprit of my deterioration but with no really-for-real answer there is no satisfaction in the knowing this but there is satisfaction in getting this.



I hadn't seen it in print, so I wasn't certain. I hadn't known what I was getting into but then I never really do. I'm a published artist now, I'm handicapped, I am not giving up, I'm frightened everyday, I am certain this is not the end, I am grateful were it to be.

also, this guy here who signs my checks, you know My Boss is more Awesome than yours will ever be.
bhanesidhe: (dot-dot-dot [Sidhe])
( May. 28th, 2011 05:26 am)
Especially to the Girl at the Library, so into reading "City of Bones" she didn't stop to watch where she walked... (I can only assume you go to PS.95, because of how young & petite you are, although I went to MS.143 around the bend & couldn't have been an inch bigger. Apologies for not getting your name.)

Normally an internet embargo on my part means I'm up to artistic doings and preparing for a flood of creative-goodness. And maybe this is, in a lengthy roundabout distinctly unfun way— in November of 2010 I sought treatment for problems with my joints, specifically my wrists & knees. And in the logical progression, for the depression that would follow. By December (17th to be morbidly precise) tremors and weakness in my hands made it difficult if not impossible to brush teeth, comb hair, open doors, type and if you haven't guessed yet, draw.

Anyone local, or who saw me over New Years/MoCCA Artfest certainly noted I am sporting my time-tested knee & hand braces once more! Tried and true little buggers they are. But by February physical therapy was proven ineffective. Now all sorts of experts have started poking, Ortho, Vascular, Neurological, etc.

I've never been a super healthy person but even at my worst, I've always had art to keep my sane. Going into my seventh month of being incapable of creating, commuting or even computing, I don't think I've ever been so scared—
  • And then I get a praise from my ambulance driver ('sup Anesdi)
  • And then I get written up in a school paper.
  • And then get things like this forwarded to me; 
Phrases like "Courage" and "Fearless" aren't banter for me, they're works of art. Now I am learning "Faith" is as well.

Things are going to get harder before they get better but I feel like a fighter again.

Thank you for that :)
bhanesidhe: (Working)
( Dec. 22nd, 2010 11:11 pm)
Prizes Have Been Sent.
2010-Prizes (BEFORE)
2010-Prizes (AFTER)
I sincerely believe its unlucky to start a New Year with things left undone, except of course it's a complicated dance shipping to-and-fro just before Christmas. Lucky me that I managed it... but then lucky me always manages :)

Now, that my couch is finally clear, I'm thinking cat-nap. y/y?

(*happy sighs all around*)
bhanesidhe: (hitRECord)
( Nov. 11th, 2010 11:49 pm)
...a Break From Our Regularly Scheduled Programming to promote LOVE + FCKH8.THANKYOU<3/PICSPAM )Tomorrow; I promise bigger and brighter contest news. But for now, I'm to go stand dramatically whilst leaning against the wind. Sleep well NY. Happy 11/11.
.

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