This year has been a non-stop ride of oddities. There was a death that actually brought my family together instead of creating drama like it damn well should have. There were the gratuitous job-offers from these really upscale '9-5'ers that had my head spinning [which I couldn't rightfully accept because I think my heart would actually stop just to spite me if I ever signed up for another forty-hour a week corporate job]. There was my dad and my boyfriend, associating and having a conversation, for the first time, ever. There was my parents, together in the same room, being nice and buying me things [also for the first time ever].
Every predetermined plan I made this year so far has fallen through, which makes me have very mixed feelings as to whether I should be disappointed with my life as it stands or genuinely surprised. There is just no middle ground!
But nothing, I mean nothing has prepared me for this latest turn of events.
Normally on this, the 100th
day of the year [101st
on Leap Years] I plan things, so many things. I travel places; I see shows and events I wouldn't attend otherwise. I tend to do them alone or with perfect strangers. I took my GED, my college entrance exam... and first met epicyclical
on this day, although admittedly that took place on the same day and I was hella-drunk, but at the top of my game.
Sometimes I don't even have to plan anything on that day; it's like the universe just picks me up and throws me in the middle of Ohio and I look at the date and go "Oh, well there you go".
That is to say it is my birthday today.
I've never had or wanted a party. I've never expected praise, good will, gifts or even acknowledgement for the act of not dying for a year, or something...it's this perverse self-idolatry thing I can't seem to wrap my brain around so I'd just as well ignore it. Normally, I'm even slightly offended by it. Actually, my sister has always been kind enough to celebrate it for me, toasts for me and all without me being there, so I've never been obligated to my family to like involve them with it because they seem to make good acknowledging they like me not being dead in their own constant ways. So it has never been an issue even. My Birthday; is the fantastic and all-consuming non-issue of my life. Which is great and exactly how I like it...
...except this year.
A month of bedrest is sooooooo
boring. I'm going stir-crazy, like completely whacked out, sober, stable, utterly dull and this completely UN-me sort of crazy. And my pain-killers have been lessened so I can't even get stoned, how sad.
So, I'm posting, to say, it's my birthday today! Entertain me! Spoil me! [<--See; UN-ME] God please, distract me! And I'd lay even money that I will never
feel this way again...so here's your window to get it in there without me smacking you upside the head. ^_^ADDS1
: this is totally otemen
's fault, because they both got me unique, random and nifty things which made me feel all 'loved' and stuff. Curse them!ADDS2
: Wikipedia say the Beatles broke up on my birthday. See, no good can come of this...ADDS3
: I was supposed to get a tattoo today... instead I am staying up late making "To-Do Lists" in my head T_T